I feel like I’m drowning.

Worries flood my mind, pain chokes me until I become silent.

Why am I being suffocated?

I miss my past — I wish I could go back. 

But at the same time, I don’t.

I miss my brother. I wish he wasn’t so far away.

I can’t help but yell when I get mad. 

I learned that from others. 

I wish I hadn’t.

I’m still holding grudges from when I was a kid.

I haven’t made peace with anything.

I haven’t forgiven anyone. 

Because it’s all still here. 

It’s all still happening.

I feel I have to be quiet and solemn, like a deep shade of blue drifting in the water.

I was taught to express how I feel, but why do I get in trouble when I do?

How do I get things out without people thinking it's about them?

Why do I do everything wrong? 

Is it my fault?

Or is it because the world is so used to being lied to, the truth makes them feel uncomfortable?

I believe in myself… right?

But I’m painfully anxious and confused all the time.

I know some people will understand and others, I know, have it far worse. 

But is it selfish that I still feel so alone?

And the only way to stop the flood that drowns

is to soothe the hurt with music.

Music that reverberates through my bones.

Music that beats with my pulse.

Music that wraps arms around my heart.

Music that soothes my aching skull.

Music saves me.